When Connection goes wrong

Some people are amazing at building rapport.  

 

They’re naturals.  Everywhere they go, they meet more people who like them and who trust them. It’s almost like they can’t help it….or can they?

I recently met someone like this, who connected with me so well that I had to stop myself from admiring his skills because at one point, I realised that’s what they were.  Skills.  Skills so refined and practiced that he almost seemed genuine in his ability to understand what made me tick.  But when I received a proposal from him that was in no way tailored to our 2 hour conversation or to my requirements at all it stopped me in my tracks.

And it was late.

 

And he was asking me to attend other non-related events.

I’m not sure why. 

I’m not sure how often this works for him.  I wanted to believe that he really got me, and that I’d found a deeper level connection from a potential supplier.  I was in the customer’s shoes for once, and it was an enlightening perspective.

Because there was a massive disconnect. 

 

I felt cheated.  It made me rethink the conversation and wonder if he even knows how damaging this interaction was to his brand (for me anyway), or even if he thought about it at all? 

Does he understand the importance of congruence?  Does he think he is congruent?  Am I overly critical because of the lens through which I’m looking?  It’s all possible.

After all, connection is a major behavioural skill set I train and encourage my clients to hone.  But not just to get an outcome or if there isn’t something in it for me today, I simply move on.  That to me is not only ruthless, it’s short-sighted.  Dumb even.

Connection without congruence isn’t connection.  It’s manipulation.  It speaks to intention.  It speaks volumes about values.

Connection is your ticket to the dance, but it’s your behaviour from that point on that builds trust, loyalty and raving fans.  When you show up beyond the initial interaction to help that person with no immediate pay off for you personally, it deposits into the Emotional Bank account.  When you demonstrate your genuine care about the person, it’s genuine connection.  And it all pays off.  Sometimes directly, mostly indirectly.  But energy expended to give will always reward.

What about in retail? 

Surely here you’re not going to get every customer’s contact details and text them to wish them a happy birthday, or ask how their desk looks in their new home office, right?  Well, with advances in technology, we actually can.  We should.

If we think about retail (or any customer transaction) as a one-time thing, we’re missing the bigger picture.  Wouldn’t you want regular retail customers who love coming into your store to see you or your team?  Selling gets easier and so does buying.  Profit improves.  So does the experience.

And it’s more than just the person in front of you.  It’s a very small world and the best opportunities come from people who know and trust us.  They refer opportunities to us that come pre-sold.  That’s gold.  I’m not sure who said “If you can fake sincerity you’ve got it made” but I for one wouldn’t want to.  There’s too much in it for me.  It makes me present.  It makes me want to be better. 

I wish that for you too.

 

 

View our other posts

9 restorative ways to tackle the confidence crisis

Salespeople...heck, any one of us, loses our mojo every now and then.    It’s part of the human condition. While it can signify introspection which is important as we make meaning and hopefully build greater self-awareness it can also signal a more permanent...

Quantity or quality?

Once upon a time in a land far far away sales managers everywhere were perplexed by the dichotomy they faced: sales teams who were hitting targets by having high activity rates at the expense of poor customer experience or leaving opportunity on the table.  Their...

Have you reached your limit yet?

Many of us have.  There is so much going on right now, it feels like “The Quickening” with life taking on a roller coaster type quality and speed....without the good thrills though.    If the last 2 years wasn’t enough for us, the torrential rain and floods in...

Curiosity is king

When we think of being curious, it’s easy to link that with questions...discovery.  But did you know that curiosity also dissolves tension, and ensures that an already fraught situation is more easily neutralised?  As a relationship building tool – customers,...

Inner strength

This morning I heard someone say that extreme self-reliance is actually a trauma response that prevents us asking for help.  It’s linked to early life trauma that tells the sufferer that asking anyone else for anything is dangerous: emotionally, physically,...

Purpose led teams

When it comes to elevating sales performance, it’s understandable why organisations look to the most cost-efficient methods that will deliver the greatest bang for buck.     Most organisations opt for initiatives like: Identifying new customer groups that...

Make 2022 Your Year

Regardless of what happens “out there”, 2022 is in your hands.    Success or failure.  Lessons or a loop.  Growth or stagnation.  Joy or suffering. Hit or miss.  It’s the way we approach the year that will make all of the difference, because when we’re aligned to...

Embracing Change

There’s a meme going around social media about 2022...something about this year being like the boyfriend who lets you down but you keep taking back because they promise to change?   I admit I had a bit of a chuckle to myself, not only because I’ve been there, but...

Take Time to Recharge

Well it’s been quite the 2 years, hasn’t it?    For many Australians, they’re more than eager for a decent break....a time to recuperate mentally, emotionally, physically even spiritually.  The toll of lockdowns, constant disruption to routines, home schooling...

Be the light that others run to

My cousin said this in our weekly Zoom chat.  She was referring to a friend who was that for her.    When we’re in the midst of darkness, we need direction.  We need a light to run to, don’t we?   Light of the soul, of the spirit.   Are we opening...